Once you realize you and your spouse aren’t a match anymore, life changes fast. It’s true that arriving at this conclusion can take months or years.
But once it hits you, it’s like a switch flips.
You want out of your marriage as fast as possible while protecting your best interests. As an expert Rhode Island divorce attorney, Susan T. Perkins has seen it happen many times. And she’s helped people across RI, MA, and CT get divorced using the best method for their situation.
But did you know getting divorced can actually unfold in several different ways? “Conscious uncoupling” is a new way many couples—especially celebrities—are ending their marriages, rather than following typical divorce proceedings.
Keep reading to learn if this method might be right for your own divorce. Many experts agree that conscious uncoupling is a great way to divorce peacefully and amicably.
What Does Conscious Uncoupling Even Mean?
Conscious uncoupling is a term invented by Katherine Woodward, a marriage coach. When she faced a divorce herself, her biggest priority was not sacrificing her daughter’s quality of life. To achieve this, she and her soon-to-be-ex focused on staying respectful and amicable throughout the divorce process.
But like a divorce, conscious uncoupling is meant to end a marriage first and foremost. In a nutshell, it means not letting your emotions impact your actions during the process.
There are 5 steps to the conscious uncoupling process:
- Achieve emotional freedom. You and your ex must learn to manage your emotions. Rage, bitterness, and anxiety are all common at the end of a marriage. By recognizing these self-destructive emotions, you can replace them with positive self-care. This creates mindfulness and compassion between you and your ex.
- Reclaim your life and your power. Letting go of the past is crucial. You both need to own up to what got you here and understand your role in it. This clarity prevents you both from making the same mistakes again. When you’re accountable, you’re no longer a victim—you have the power to change.
- Heal your heart by breaking the patterns. Self-reflection is necessary here. Working with a counselor or coach can be very helpful. You’ll dig deep into all your past relationships. The goal is discovering your strengths and weaknesses in both romantic and platonic relationships. Once you pinpoint harmful patterns, you can break them and truly move forward.
- Focus on facilitating love. In this stage, you and your ex set clear boundaries to prevent misunderstandings. But first, you’ll spend time reflecting on the good you brought to each other’s lives. Appreciating the lessons you learned together and the things you taught one another creates the kindness and sincerity needed to set these boundaries. Your children will feel the respect and care you have for each other, too.
- Reinvent your entire life. Now you can start to move forward. New friends, hobbies, and relationships will help you with this. At the same time, you and your ex will collaborate on co-parenting and supporting each other’s goals. You’ll do all of this within the boundaries you established earlier.
When you look at conscious uncoupling versus divorce, both are intensive processes. But conscious uncoupling will help you, your ex, and your children emerge stronger and with less emotional baggage.
How is “Conscious Uncoupling” Different from a Typical Divorce?
Conscious uncoupling is different from other divorces in that the couple stays 100% amicable. This means conscious uncoupling isn’t an option in some situations.
For example, many divorces occur due to things like cheating, lying about finances, abuse, and other serious wrongs. A conscious uncoupling is almost always out of the question in these scenarios.
But for other couples, a major issue isn’t the root of the problem.
Some people simply stop having feelings for each other or grow apart. It’s not anybody’s fault. All of us change as we grow older, and not necessarily for the worse.
This is why conscious uncoupling is such a popular choice for Hollywood couples. It sends a clear message that the decision to separate is mutual, and there’s no bad blood. Couples with children find this method very beneficial, too.
All of that said, you and your ex will still need to get divorced legally. Conscious uncoupling refers only to the divorce process in terms of emotions and behaviors. You’ll still have to go through the usual divorce paperwork.
How a Divorce Lawyer Can Help
You might be wondering how a divorce lawyer fits into this whole conscious uncoupling process. It’s true that a counselor or therapist is better equipped to see you through the emotional aspects.
The thing is, paperwork still needs to be done. The shared factor between conscious uncoupling versus divorce is the legal process. And it’s quite a few details to keep track of, especially while you’re trying to build a new life.
That’s why hiring a skilled Rhode Island divorce attorney like Susan T. Perkins makes conscious uncoupling so much easier. You and your ex can focus on the necessary self-reflection and personal growth.
Meanwhile, we’ll handle every little detail so you don’t have to. Whether you go through a contested or uncontested divorce, we’ll manage the entire process. You see, Rhode Island doesn’t have any laws for a quick and easy uncontested divorce.
In Connecticut, you have to either wait 90 days or file a specific waiver to skip the waiting period. And in Massachusetts, you’ll have to write out a separation agreement and attend a hearing.
Susan T. Perkins works with people in all 3 of these states. No matter which one you live in, getting divorced without a lawyer’s assistance means a lot of legwork on your part. That’s time and energy you could be spending on the conscious uncoupling process instead.
If you want to get through your divorce faster and rebuild your life ASAP, a divorce lawyer is the best investment you can make. Just call us today at (401) PERKINS to learn more.